Can Perfectionism Be Healthy?

Jackie Drummer • May 1, 2025

In my decades of running Parent to Parent: Sharing Your Wisdom workshops with parents and caregivers of gifted children and adolescents, and working with their educators, one theme always comes up. Perfectionism and its accompanying stress is always a topic of great concern.


It is no surprise that many gifted children, adolescents, and adults (yes, us too!) seek to be perfect. Our minds and hearts are capable of imagining great things, and sometimes our skills simply do not measure up. With this conundrum often comes frustration, anger, self-criticism, and despair. 


Our youngest children may cry, tear things up, melt down, or call themselves “stupid.” Our adolescents may choose more spicy language, refuse to try, or construct complex avoidance mechanisms. Additionally, they may be at risk for obsessive-compulsive disorders, eating disorders, anxiety and depression, and suicidal thoughts. These behaviors, left unchecked, can eventually produce adults who are unwilling to budge out of their comfort zone for fear of failure or revelation of imperfection. Additionally, some adults may see themselves as imposters, and fear that others will discover their ineptitude. In this sense, perfectionism can be debilitating. 


However, what if we viewed perfectionism more like cholesterol – it can be both good and bad for us? While it is easy to spot the negative consequences of perfectionism, parents/caregivers and educators can do many things to encourage healthy perfectionism.


What if we began to treat healthy perfectionism as desirable? First of all, we will need to define healthy perfectionism. Healthy perfectionism, (sometimes known as adaptive perfectionism), celebrates striving for excellence and setting high standards. However, this is accomplished while maintaining a positive outlook, focusing on the learning and personal growth, and viewing mistakes as opportunities for improvement, rather than as failures or catastrophes. We need to reframe FAIL as First Attempts at Learning, and employ the usage of the words “not yet” and with gentle affirmation and encouragement to keep trying.


Dr. Carol Dweck, Stanford University Professor, is often recognized for her pioneering work surrounding growth mindset and its relationship to perfectionism. A growth mindset is the belief that intelligence and abilities are not innate; instead they can be cultivated through learning, effort, and persistence. When children or adults begin a new and often difficult task (for example, playing a musical instrument), they must concede that they will only become better with time, continued effort, and perseverance. Along with this comes a greater focus on the process of learning, not the final product. As educators and caregivers, we need to celebrate steps along the way. Instead of focusing on grades, we need to ask children, “What did you learn along the way?” or “What could you do differently next time to get the results you desired?”


We also owe it to our children and ourselves to investigate the benefits and costs of perfectionism. At times, we adults unwittingly model perfectionism. In admitting our mistakes and sharing our imperfections, we model how to gracefully accept failure and move forward. Our high expectations should focus more on human qualities such as effort, integrity, generosity, and empathy. 


In his article, Perfectionism: How to Avoid the Pitfalls, Dr. Kenneth R. Ginsburg, MD, MS, Ed., FAAP, suggests that adults have thoughtful conversations with children and other adults about what success (and perfectionism, its cousin) look like, feel like, and sound like. I believe these are worthy topics for all of us to consider. I have reimagined these as questions to help in conversation.

  • What are the similarities and differences between happiness and contentment? How good is “good enough”?
  • How important is commitment to hard work, determination, and perseverance to perfection? Are there any shortcuts?
  • What role does/should resilience play in our lives?
  • What role does/should generosity play in our lives?
  • How and why are compassion and empathy important (for ourselves and others)?
  • What fuels our desire to contribute? Is it healthy?
  • How does perfectionism affect our capacity to build and maintain meaningful relationships?
  • How important is being able to collaborate and work well with others? Why?
  • Why do we need a respect for diversity of gifts and talents?
  • How important is creativity and innovative potential?
  • How do we hone our capacity to accept and learn from constructive criticism?
  • How can we learn to gracefully be accountable for our actions, and make amends when needed?
  • Other ideas, your choice?


Above all, we can help ourselves and others appreciate mistakes as ways to learn and grow. We need to reframe mistakes as opportunities in disguise! 


And so, in closing, to “perfect this article 🙂,” I have “lagniappe” for you. (Lagniappe comes from the Louisiana French, ultimately derived from Quechua, meaning “something added,” a small, unexpected, or gratuitous gift or benefit). Here are some ideas to help you talk about perfection. When talking about it to children, I often share the book by Charlotte Folz Jones, Mistakes That Worked: The World's Familiar Inventions and How They Came to Be. This delightful book helps to normalize mistakes and celebrate imperfection. It gives us hope. Additionally, when talking about imperfection to adolescents and adults, I often reference the Japanese art of kintsugi. Kintsugi is the art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer and gold, silver, or platinum. The word kintsugi translates to “golden joinery”. When we pursue perfection, we will make mistakes, but these mistakes, fortunately, can be repaired, and often the process, the “golden joinery” makes us a stronger, better person. Good luck on your journey to harness perfection!


As always, I welcome your ideas. Together we grow.



By Jackie Drummer, WATG Past President and Current Board Advisor

By Jackie Drummer November 25, 2025
A reflection on the journey of gifted adults, highlighting six developmental stages, key insights from Dr. Ellen Fiedler, and an invitation to explore Bright Adults.
By Dal Drummer November 10, 2025
Almost every week we see headlines in the news lamenting the current state of students and education. Titles such as these – “Chronic Absenteeism Continues to Plague School Systems,” “Why Do Students Spend So Much Time on Their Phones?,” “Should Phones Be Banned From the Classroom and Will That Improve Test Scores?" – are prolific and often worrisome. This often leads to proposed solutions, some which undoubtedly have been tried (both successfully and unsuccessfully) in the past. Why do educational leaders (and politicians) continue to “reinvent the wheel” by proposing and utilizing the same (but re-branded) solutions to student learning problems over the years, dropping one after another in favor of a latest “trend” that will supposedly fix everything? Why aren’t we getting results? I feel the above questions are related and may have an easy solution, one that has produced many studied and practical results. It is a solution that I have experienced in my decades of teaching as well. Recently I read an article in K-12DIVE entitled Drawing connections between art and science can improve academic outcomes by Briana Mendez-Padilla. K-12DIVE is a news outlet that provides business journalism and in-depth reporting on trends in the pre-kindergarten through 12th-grade education sector. In this article, students in Mississippi had persistent low test scores until the school decided to make changes and incorporate the arts (and even artists) to work with and alongside the sciences. As a result, test scores rose significantly, as did social interactions between students. In this article, the author points out that today’s teachers are often competing with technology for kids’ attention. Just taking away technology doesn’t insure greater learning, nor does ignoring it. Teachers need to utilize what attracts kids to technology if they want better attendance and better learning. The author points out that students learn best in different ways (as we know); some students have auditory learning preferences, some kinesthetic, and some visual. Some learn best by reading, others not. Many of today’s students are also heavily into music, movement, and video. This is evidenced by their “plugged in” behaviors and their preference for online creation and viewing. It then stands to reason that the more ways a teacher can present material or allow students to learn using their technology, the more the students will be involved in their learning. Learning or showing evidence of learning can be much more than drawing a picture of the plant cycle (straight out of the science book) or making a shoebox diorama, practices of the past. As educators, we need to move our practices into spaces that our students inhabit. Some simple examples about different ways of learning/demonstrating wave action using science and the arts together could be students acting out wave action through dance using their different music choices (singly or in groups). Teachers could also, using light, prisms, and paints, show how colors can mix and affect how we see our world, and then critically analyze the use of light and color in water portrayed in historic and contemporary works of art (found online, of course). Or students could create music that they feel mimics wave action, mixing and remixing existing music or creating their own. Many of them have technological expertise and a great desire to use it. By teaching our curriculum in their world, using the arts as a vehicle, will, many believe, generate renewed excitement in learning. Finally, in order to develop curricular connections between science and the arts, administrators have to deliberately set aside time for curricular collaboration. Collaboration isn’t something that just magically happens; it takes time, interest, and creativity to connect them, a marriage of will and skill! Professional development time should be used to develop curricular connections, therefore enhancing teachers’ skillsets. Better teaching makes for better student outcomes. Coordination between the arts and sciences shouldn’t take much of a monetary investment; it can often be free, and the results can be priceless. Many free connections exist within community arts organizations, and they can enhance a school or school system. I know this because of my decades of experience as a visual arts specialist and arts coordinator in Milwaukee’s Lincoln Center of the Arts. The arts and sciences have much in common. In fact, through the Renaissance period, the arts and sciences weren’t two separate fields. They were one! They have many connections. Let’s put them back together using today’s technology! See a need for this in your child’s school? Share this article (and others) with them. For more information I direct you to the following articles. https://artsintegration.com/what-is-arts-integration-in-schools/ https://www.kennedy-center.org/education/resources-for-educators/classroom-resources/articles-and-how-tos/articles/collections/arts-integration-resources/what-is-arts-integration/ https://www.edutopia.org/topic/arts-integration/ - Dal Drummer, WATG Board Advisor
By Jenna Cramer November 10, 2025
This blog explains why gifted students need intellectual peers for deeper learning, motivation, and belonging.
By Sarah Kasprowicz November 10, 2025
Highlights Dr. Zakreski’s guidance on supporting neurodivergent gifted learners by asking targeted questions, recognizing sensory cues, and preventing overload.
By Maria Katsaros-Molzahn October 27, 2025
Dr. Dante Dixon inspired educators to help students turn hope into action – building motivation, equity, and resilience to unlock their full potential.
By Jackie Drummer October 27, 2025
Jackie Drummer explores how curiosity, creativity, and critical thinking foster cross-domain thinking—helping students connect ideas and innovate across subjects.
By Maria Katsaros-Molzahn October 13, 2025
The 2025 WATG Conference united educators, parents, and students to explore gifted education topics, inspire hope and resilience, and build momentum for NAGC 2026.
October 10, 2025
This article spotlights CESA 1 PAGE, a parent–educator group in SE Wisconsin that unites districts to offer enrichment, cultural, and STEM opportunities.
By Martha Lopez October 10, 2025
This article explores hope’s role in student outcomes. It offers strategies for educators and parents to cultivate hope in learners.
By German Diaz September 25, 2025
Gifted education ensures equity, fosters innovation, and nurtures leaders. MPS students shine with national honors, proving its lasting impact.
Show More