Every time I run a Parent to Parent: Sharing Your Wisdom group (a group for parents and caregivers of gifted children and adolescents), at least one parent offers an observation like this… "I think I am raising a little lawyer. She always wants to argue and she’s very good at it. She challenges everything. She's quick-witted and critical; she's not afraid to speak up, and she's often right. For sure, she outwits my husband and me. What are we doing wrong? She's exhausting us."
Instantly the room lights up, heads begin to nod, and smiles appear on participants' faces. The conversation immediately catches on fire. Parents and caregivers of gifted children and adolescents have a lot to share! It appears many of them are raising lawyers-in-training and are looking for assurance and guidance.
Similarly, I've had conversations with middle and high school teachers (though often elementary teachers as well) about students who challenge everything in the classroom. They may challenge rules, decisions, injustices, points of view, sources of information, rights, etc. They may be witty or pithy, offering commentary that can be funny, insightful, or critical. These students are not always trying to be difficult, but they are often challenging. Their need to know, to go deeper, to challenge assumptions, and to be truly heard can be frustrating for educators. Often these students have also been identified as gifted.
Perhaps you are raising or have raised a child like this; perhaps you have taught students like this. If so, you may find this April 2026
Atlantic article
In Praise of 'Difficult' Kids enlightening.
The author, Russell Shaw, asserts that "Feisty children can be exhausting. They also possess a moral fire that deserves cultivating; this moral fire is a quality that drives them to ask questions or push teachers' buttons because they believe that the adults around them can, and should, do better."
Shaw shares that these feisty students often use their talents wisely – choosing to run student governments, write for school newspapers, or stay after class to discuss/debate difficult topics. Some visit administrative offices frequently to voice their fervent opinions. Some adults view their actions as disrespectful. And yet, Shaw believes that these students deserve more understanding and more credit than they are often given because they are displaying moral engagement. They may be calling out things that they believe are inauthentic or hypocritical. They are engaging in critical thinking and choosing courage. And they deserve guidance from wise and caring adults.
Shaw suggests four things that we as parents/caregivers and educators can do to help these delightful rebels. He suggests that we do the following things:
- Take them seriously. We need to engage and listen carefully and question them respectfully.
- Allow them to be right (when they are) and acknowledge it. We adults must learn to admit when we are wrong or have not considered all possibilities.
- Learn to discern between disagreement and disrespect and help children to understand the difference as well. Disrespect must be corrected; disagreements can respectfully co-exist.
- Notice what we reward. When we praise authenticity, integrity, and courage, our children will hopefully choose these traits in future interactions.
In working with groups of students, in classrooms and at SOAR Camps each summer (camps for gifted elementary and middle school students), we often help children learn to share their (often strong) opinions positively. We also teach them to gracefully share when they have been misguided. Here are some sentence stems that we share and practice:
- "In light of that new information, I've changed my mind."
- "You make a strong argument; I'll consider what you said."
- "I can't support my opinion. I don't know why I think that."
- "I never thought of it that way. Now I will."
- "From the evidence provided, it appears that I need to rethink things."
- "Oh, I didn't know that before. I guess I was wrong."
It takes courage to listen carefully and respond respectfully to others' ideas and opinions. Having tools helps.
Though there is no guarantee that challenging children will become successful adults, we can give them tools that enhance that possibility. Most of all, we want our children to be courageously authentic.
As always, I welcome your thoughts. Together we grow.
- Jackie Drummer, Past President and Current WATG Board Advisor
Thank you to Esther Vazquez of the Appleton Schools for this translation for our Spanish-speaking educators and families.
