In my work with parents/caregivers of gifted children and adolescents, I often hear that gifted children have great difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or relaxing in general. Parents and caregivers often report that their children slept very little as babies, a contradiction to much of the wisdom found in parenting books and articles.Their children prefer “nappetizers” over lengthy naps. They may fight bedtime, lie awake tossing and turning, complain that they “never sleep”, and generally seem to need much less sleep than other children. Over time, many adults begin to worry and wonder about their children and their sleeping habits. Is this normal? Is it detrimental to their child’s health?
Fortunately, much of the research surrounding gifted children and adolescents confirms the fact that many (though not all) require less sleep than their peers. This may be attributed to many factors.
First, gifted children are often like the Star Wars’ character R2-D2. They require input, input, input…and being awake provides them with opportunities for this. While other children are dozing peacefully, they are pondering quarks, zebra mussels, musical compositions, relationships, etc. You get the idea…and perhaps you have a child like this at your house.
In this blog from Australia entitled
Gifted Children and Sleep, the author asserts that intelligence, curiosity, and intensity often fuel the wakefulness in gifted children. Their minds are filled with thoughts, questions, and ideas; all of this makes it hard for them to relax and peacefully drift off to sleep, even when their bodies are physically tired. This can be frustrating for the child and the adult.
Additionally, the sensitivity of some gifted children and adolescents prevent easy relaxation. Perhaps their pjs are scratchy, or the neighbor’s dog is barking, or the television is on. Perhaps adults are having a private conversation, prompting their curiosity. Maybe they need another drink (or three or four). Perhaps they are carrying the worries from the day, ruminating on perceived problems. Often they think of “just one more thing” to share with their favorite adult (and they are masters at procrastinating bedtime). And…in the case of adolescents…perhaps social media usage is robbing them of needed sleep.
Here are some suggestions that I have curated from parent discussions, discussions with children and adolescents, and from reliable sleep sources:
- Activity: Make sure that your child is getting enough physical activity during the day. A tired physical body supports sleep.
- Routines:
Maintain, with as much consistency as possible, a predictable and calming bedtime routine. For many families, this includes hygiene activities (bath, teeth, lotion, etc.), followed by some quiet time in a darkened room, including some quiet calming talk. One of our favorite phrases with our middle daughter was “let the world turn without you tonight.” (from
Jesus Christ Superstar). For some families, prayers and meditation before sleep help immensely.
- Ambience: Some experts suggest lowering the temperature of bedrooms (when possible) for optimal sleep. They also recommend encouraging a favorite snuggly toy or blanket (yes, even for adolescents) for comfort. Sometimes calming scents (e.g., lavender) help. Blackout curtains and/or noise machines help some fall asleep and stay asleep. Some children need their bedroom doors shut; others need them open to feel secure. You may need to try both to see what works best for your family.
- Screens: Discontinue all screens at least one hour before bedtime. For some children and adolescents, reading (physical books) is a great way to wind down and focus wandering attention before drifting off. Many families also require all cellphones to be kept out of bedrooms and computers to be shut down.
- Techniques: Many of the following techniques have been shared in groups by children and adolescents, and reportedly work well:
- Teach children to focus on relaxed breathing techniques, which often foster sleepiness. Many suggest the 4 x 4 technique – breathing in through the nose for four slow counts, holding the breath for a moment, and releasing the breath through the mouth for four counts. Focusing on breathing often calms the mind and body.
- Additionally, practice tensing and relaxing muscle groups, beginning with the toes and working up through the body’s muscle groups, helps release physical tension, promoting relaxation.
- Celebrate the comfort of one’s bed – the pillows, the warmth, the quietude.
- Use one’s imagination to create a protective bubble around oneself; during the night this bubble deflects worry and stress.
- Practice focusing on visualized colors becoming darker and darker as the body and mind drifts into sleep.
- Consider a mantra.
If anxiety surrounding sleep continues to be a huge problem, you may want to consider professional help. Sleep is very important to overall health.
Finally, remember that sleep quality is most important. Sometimes gifted kids need to be reassured that they are sleeping even when they think they aren’t. One of our son’s AHA! moments came when we presented him with a photograph proving that he actually DID sleep, though he argued that he never did. Magically, that solved the problem. I hope you can find some strategies that work for you.
As always, I welcome your thoughts. Together we grow.
- Jackie Drummer, Past President and Current WATG Board Advisor
Thank you to Esther Vazquez of the Appleton School District for the translation of this article for our Spanish-speaking educators and families.
