ADULT SKILLS THAT EVERY 18 YEAR OLD SHOULD HAVE

On September 22, 2018, I was delighted and honored to be a part of the NUMATS (Northwestern University Midwest Academic Talent Search) Celebration at the Discovery Center in Madison, WI. At this celebration, Northwestern, the Center for Talent Development, and the WI Association for Talented and Gifted collaborated in honoring some of Wisconsin’s finest academically talented youth in grades 4-9.  All of these students were honored for their extremely high scores on out-of-level testing, such as the PSAT, SAT, and ACT. What a fine day that was, and what a testimony to the academic prowess and readiness of these honorees!

As I watched the ceremony, I began wondering about total preparation and readiness for college, the work force, and adult life, and I began to think about what adult skills all high school graduates should possess -- skills that transcend the academic realm. I remembered reading this article A Stanford dean on adult skills every 18-year-old should have — Quartz, written by Julie Lythcott-Haimes, a dean at Stanford University. Ms. Lythcott-Haimes is also the author of a New York Times best-seller entitled How to Raise an Adult.  Here are some of her tips, and some of my observations from my 42 years of parenting, and 47 years of teaching:

• Eighteen year-olds should know how to talk to strangers -- respectfully and with eye contact. Once young adults leave the security of our family, they will need to ask for directions, for guidance, for help, for collaboration, and for cooperation. This skill builds self-efficacy, the “I can figure this out (sometimes with help) and make it work” that all of us need in life.
  
• An eighteen-year old must be able to find his/her way around. When our teens begin to transport themselves, they must know how to plan, how to execute a plan, and what to do if that plan is not successful. Whether it’s on foot, by boat, or train, or car, or bus, or subway, or airplane -- and whether it’s someplace relatively familiar, or someplace exotic -- problem solving and decision-making skills (creativity and critical thinking) will become invaluable.
  
• An 18-year-old must be able to manage his/her assignments, workload, and deadlines. Much press has been given to “helicopter parents” (parents who hover, and micromanage kids’ lives), and to “lawn-mower parents,” (parents who try to remove all obstacles from their kids’ lives so as not to frustrate their offspring).  By the time our teens are ready to fly, they must be able to manage their school and work lives without interference from grown-ups, however well-intended.
  
• An 18-year-old must be able to contribute to the running of a household. Because our teens are so often overextended and involved in so many extracurricular activities, it is tempting (and sometimes easier) to excuse them from household chores. However, these very chores build character, teach skills, promote responsibility, and contribute to a sense of larger community.  We must resist allowing our children to be a guest in our homes, or to view home as only a “pit stop” in their lives. Eventually they will thank us when they know how to take care of themselves and their daily needs.
  
• An 18-year old must be able to handle interpersonal problems. While it may be helpful to offer advice or consult with our young adults, maturity demands that they build the capacity to get along with others, and manage their personal lives by relying on their own skills. Our kids may make mistakes on this journey, but will hopefully use these mistakes to right their course, and move on.
  
• An 18-year old must be able to cope with the ups and downs of life. My wise old neighbor once advised me to appreciate all days -- the “diamond days” and the “coal days” in life because they all have something to teach us. And, as she was also wont to say, “Fifty years from now, who will know the difference?”  Keeping one’s eye on the big picture helps us cope with the small details of life, and life’s turbulent times. Our kids need to be reassured that life goes on.
  
• An 18-year old must be able to earn and manage money, that is, unless the “bank of mom and dad” is permanently lending. Making and managing money will be a skill that allows young adults to make their own decisions, and fund those decisions without any strings attached.
  
• An 18-year old must be able to take risks. Taking risks builds character, teaches persistence, and helps all of us view failure as a “first attempt in learning.” How wonderful for young adults to have the tool of resilience in their adulthood toolkit! They will need to use it often.
  

So...as I marveled at all of the amazing talent assembled in the room at the NUMATS celebration, my hope for those young people, and for all young people, was that they become 18-year olds fully prepared for all aspects of life. Their futures depend on it. And our sense of pride in their accomplishments depend on it, too.

As always, I hope that you will share your thoughts and comments with me and others. Together we learn and grow.

Jacquelyn Drummer
Past President, WATG

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